Right now I am sitting and processing the last 2 weeks of my life and the last 24 hours in particular. I am going to just “write” whenever I am guided or whenever I find the energy to, over the next several weeks or months.
My first cancer diagnosis was a stage 3 lymphoma, on September 13, 1996. I still believe I was too young and I believed and frequently told people that I had been through more in my first 18 years of life than many other people. I assume that we all feel that way though.
My second cancer diagnosis was July 10, 2020 around 3:10pm. I don’t have all of the details yet, but I certainly have what I believe is a normal response system to being told you have cancer (again).
The universe works in such funny ways. I have spent the last 20 years working on healing myself. I do this through nutrition, exercise, supplements, and angelic reiki energy healing. I am also currently a student of Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine – so working with the energy of the physical body, the lymph system, meridians, chakras, electric points, the aura, and so many more. So it’s funny that even after all of this work, I still have many challenges ahead.
When I woke up this morning I was trying to figure out what I hadn’t learned yet in this lifetime, and why I had to go through this lesson again (should I choose to do so or if the doctor’s can help me since it’s my 2nd time). The first time around all I had wanted was to be able to have a normal life, and have a husband, a family, and a home. I now have what had kept me alive so many years ago, and I have the fear of it being taken away from me.
I also know that my angels were guiding me like they did the first time. It was a freak reasoning that I went to the doctor and got some testing done. I was prepared yesterday afternoon. My angels did let me know that it would be a positive diagnosis (at the last minute of course). It really didn’t stop me from tears and feeling like I just needed to escape. But they always help me when I can slow down, tune in, and just pay attention to my divine guidance.
I have the somewhat normal questions, just more specific to my situation…
- Can they help me this time? Right now they are unsure of next steps due to all of the chemo and radiation I’d previously had (it was a lot).
- Am I going to die? I had always thought I had been allowed to live because I had more important work to do. So is that still the case?
- Can I do this again? This is honestly what freaks me out the most since I already know what I am getting into. I had always wondered the answer to that question since it had come up off and on over the years. So now I will actually have to determine if in my heart, mind, and soul if I am truly capable of this.
- Is it worth it to my family to do this again? LOL, I had the $30,000.00 bill from the last time to pay for, so it is a serious concern of the logical mind.
- What have I not learned that I still need to? I feel like this is a serious issue! I do not accept help very well. I don’t accept sympathy, or empathy, or anyone asking me if I am okay. I don’t like to cry in front of others, yet now it’s all that I do. I still have not told anyone yet, so anyone who reads this is the first to know! 🙂 🙂 This is the best that I can do right now.
How am I handling a fearful diagnosis? Here are some things I am doing right now, so I do hope they can help!
- I cry – whenever I want to, which is basically any time I look at my husband. Traumatic energy can literally get “stuck” in your energy field and can cause misalignments later in the future. So feel your emotions, cry, talk, or do whatever you need to do to let the energy out.
- Journal – this is what this is right now. This helps to process things, and I do plan on looking at it later on down the road to see where this leads me. I did not do this when I was younger, but it does help to also process energies out of the system.
- Laugh – last night we put on a funny movie, just to help me laugh. Laughter and happiness completely shifts your vibrational energy and it helps focus the mind on something else. So whenever possible, do something that will make you smile and laugh.
- Seek support – If this is a fit for you, definitely talk it over with friends/family and others that will listen to you. I’m not at that place yet, but again, it will help you process out the energy. It is easier when I step away from the emotion, don’t drown yourself in the what if’s, especially if you don’t have any details yet.
- Don’t “google” it – Find a trusted resource, like whoever your healthcare provider is – ask them where to go if you need to find more information. But NO GOOGLING! People share the horror stories, but a lot of times the positive stories are never shared. That can just freak you out more and that won’t help!
- Seek Holistic Help in addition to your trusted healthcare provider – I have already reached out to my Eden Energy Medicine teacher to schedule a time to help prepare me for surgery and chemotherapy/radiation. I am continuing to work with my neurolymphatics and my neurovasculars. Working with the energy field is going to be very important to me at this time. So seek out whomever feels right to you for healing work! I am also an Angelic Reiki Master and a Crystal Healer so I am going to be adding these healing sessions back to help prepare my body for what is to come.
Lastly, when I step away from the fear, it is much easier to process. I can’t fear what I do not know yet. I will know soon, and then I can make a plan. So for today and for the next week I will step forward knowing that the universe has a plan for me. My god, I sure hope it’s a good one.
Until then, I will keep updating with blogs as I am guided to. Because I am soooo poor at people checking in with me and asking how I am doing, please don’t! I’m not ready to explain, I’m not ready to accept sympathy or empathy or anything like that. All will be as it is meant to be, and thank you for reading and hanging out with me to process this!
Blessings and if you need any help just reach out!!!!!